Divorcing with a Disabled Child
No one starts a marriage thinking this will happen, but you still need to be ready if it does.
Over the years I’ve frequently heard that families who have children with disabilities, specifically Autism, are 50% more likely to divorce. When I sat down to write about divorce and disability planning I wanted to cite the research supporting this, but I couldn’t find any. Instead, what I found was this 2015 NIH study stating “divorce rates were not elevated, on average, in families with a child with developmental disabilities.” According to the CDC website, there are (6) divorces for every 1,000 marriages.
These stats made me second-guess myself. Should I still write this overview of things to consider when divorcing with a disabled child? Since you’re reading this, you can see I moved forward anyway. I’ve always felt if I can help one family then I’ve done what I set out to do. So let’s explore some of the things to consider when you get divorced with a disabled child. I’ve also created a planning checklist, you can download it for free here.
It's undeniable that parents facing divorce might unintentionally overlook their child's unique needs. Navigating state and Federal services is a challenge even on the best of days. The intention to provide for their children remains, but milestones may slip by unnoticed as the divorce grinds on. Especially in highly contentious and/or litigious proceedings.
In families with both parents living together, there will often be a splitting of duties. One spouse will take responsibility for the disabled child’s needs. They’ll be the primary person doing things like setting appointments, preparing for IEP meetings, etc. That’s not to say the other parent isn’t involved, it’s just more efficient and easier to have one person “in charge”. This can lead to this parent not working outside the home, because depending on the complexity of the child’s disability and/or health condition this could become a full-time job in and of itself.
